this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize