I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
