i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
