I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
