So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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