dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
