thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
