Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize