so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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