I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
