I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
