I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
