So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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