Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
