the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
