I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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