you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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