My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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