I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
