is your mom at the bar?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
bring money and cleavage
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
BRING THE BAGELS
i think i just lost a toe
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
