A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
