You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize