I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
