His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
