peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
