she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
