I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
barbara walters just said penis...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
