it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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