dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
