Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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