me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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