No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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