The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
