Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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