ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there is glitter all over my balls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
