When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
