Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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