I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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