dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
