Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
