Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
