She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
