hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
try to milk me bitch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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