do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
