I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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