Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can text with my tongue
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
