She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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