I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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