he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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