Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
