my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
