I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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