So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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