we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
