if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Buhtt sex?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
