you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
