I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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