i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
