By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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