Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
