the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
