I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
