I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
