I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
foreskin is a definite game changer
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
