I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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