in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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