I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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