Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
