god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
