Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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